SMH

Maybe the FB world can shed some light for the inquiring minds that wanna know...

If a dude/female says they wanna just be friends (to a person of the opposite sex) nothing more nothing less what us that supposed to look like? PLATONIC is defined as purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, esp. in a relationship between two persons of the opposite sex.

Ok let me say that I know the answer to the above question. My best friends are male and those relationships are strictly platonic. But recently I have seen a vast increase in men and women who clearly don't know what this means or don't care. Which led me to write this and ask a few questions.

1. When a platonic relationship is no longer platonic due to ones actions (i.e. making a physical gesture on the other Like a kiss or a very sensual hug) does that mean that that person wanted to be more than just friends to begin with?

2. If person A continues to tell person B "I just want to be your friend" but person A treats person B like more than a friend by talking, texting, IM'in person B all day every day, or buying person B gifts or getting upset when person B may be interested in others, does that mean that person A wants more? Should person B end this not so platonic relationship?

3. If person B likes person A in a more than friends kind if way and it's clear it's mutual because they are doing those things listed above, yet they are steady talking about "just being friends", is person A in denial?

This may seem funny and childish. You may even be saying to yourself, this is so high school no adult can possibly be operating like this. But this is going on amongst "adults".

I'm not a gray area type person. Either it's black or it's white, it is or it isn't. I call it how I see it. In the words if Fantasia, "Id you don't want me then don't talk to me" lol! But forreal, it's dudes and dudetts out here not keeping it real with themselves. It's like their mouths and actions don't know each other. The mouth is saying one thing and the actions say another. SMH!!!!

Let me tell you the harm in all this... Someone is going hurt and if you care the least about your "friend" and their feelings then you need to keep it real 100%. if you like them and want to pursue them and take things further, SAY THAT! if you want to be just friends, ACT ACCORDINGLY. You only make it harder for you and the other person Involved when you are not real with 1. Yourself and 2. That other person.

Mix signals suck! So get it together folks! SMH

*this has been a Public Service Announcement brought to you by www.minahcantsleep.com

I’s boo’d up now!

I have always wondered, what about being in a relationship makes you change who you were before. Why is it that just because you have a significant other the rest of the world no longer exists? People stop calling their friends to hang out, the “girls night out” becomes “me and the boo are hangin’ out tonight, sorry”, hanging with the fellas is out the door and they stop coming to church (the one that bothers me the most).

Think about it… I am sure everyone has said, “ever since he/she got a boo they don’t know nobody no more” a time or too, referring to a friend who’s recently “neglecting” the homies. I know I have said it and I have heard it!

Is it that they are so wrapped up in their own relationship with the opposite sex that they no longer care to be around those they were around when they were po’, broke and lonely? Were there friends just there to kill time until Mr./Ms. Right (or Right Now) came along? And what’s with missing church and the lack of prayer and alone time with God? Wouldn’t you think you need Him more that you in a relationship??? I just don’t get it!

One could say that those who observe these things are jealous and just feel neglected. But couldn’t they just be concerned…Concerned that IF the relationship doesn’t last they will have problem coming back to the world and way of life they once lived; concerned that there spiritual man is slowly dying because they can’t seem to fit in time for their heavenly boo now that they have an earthly boo. I think those point would be valid ones to make.

I beseech you therefore, brethren to take the time to evaluate your behavior. Have you changed since you got a boo? Are you now lacking balance, trying to find time to spend with God and your friends who were there before this man/woman? Think about those relationships(platonic and the one with God) you were in. Are they important to you? Does it matter they may feel neglected? I admonish you not to neglect these friendships because THOSE are your support systems. They will be the ones to hold you up in the midst of adversity, the ones to call on when you have a question, the ones to make you laugh in the midst of a heated argument and the ones who will intercede for you at the drop of a hat.

I’m just sayin’

Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

I have been thinking about it a lot lately. Do you ever have a problem taking your own advice?

Many of my friends, acquaintances, peers, whatever you wanna call ‘ems, ask for advice frequently. I have been told that I have inspired, solved problems, and have profound advice. So how come it is (lol) when I approach my own issues, some of the same issues the whatever you wanna call ‘ems have, but I can’t seem to come up with the words for myself. I can’t gather up the advice that would make me remain calm, logical and rational. WHY????
Is what I am saying to these people just lip service? I don’t think so.

A recently wrote a blog describing how I let go of something VERY dear to me and apparently it helped a true friend of mine gain some perspective on a similar situation. What I told her was to take it one day at a time and to meditate on this, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” It seemed so simple to tell her these things and in the place I was in when I lent her this advice It was. But in the situation that I am in NOW, I find it MOST difficult to take my own advice.

Does this ever happen to you?

Sincerely,

Inquiring minds (me) wanna know

Goodnight Barnsie!

A few years ago Barnsie was given to me for Christmas, with the 50% off tags still on it. It's now a bear that I have been sleeping with just about every night. He's dirty, matted and probably carryinga crap load of germs but I still sleep with it. It was only recently that I realized that I, a 26 year old, was still sleeping with a teddy bear, holding on more to the person who had given it to me. I held on with the hopes things would be different. That there would be a relationship beyond a 50% off bear. What's funny is I'm almost certain that he doesn't even know how dear I held on to Barnsie with those hopes in my heart. To him it was probably just a discounted bear. Those may be the same sentiments he has, had or haves for our relationship. While on the other hand,I cherrish that bear as I cherrish the relationship.

Well tonight Barnsie is being put to rest. Besides the fact that I am 26 years old and probably too old to sleep with a stuffed animal, but I have just about had it! I'm deciding to no longer hold on to something that has no feelings, no value, no nothing according to the gift giver. There is no relationship there, so what am I holding on to? No clue! But now I am done. Done trying in my own strength to make something come from nothing, done putting all my effort into making peace, done crying at night wondering when will ever speak again. This is no longer my battle. The cliché is used so frequently but tonight I have decided to let go and let God handle it.

I remember Pastor Rob saying in a message once , " you have not completly let go of something if you still have a hand on it". So tonight I an taking my hands off! No more sleeping with Barnsie. No more fighting for something that is non exsistent. Whatever will be, will be. God, it's up to you! I'm giving it all to you. I'm ready to completly let and let you have your way with it.

Barnsie,I'm sorry I gotta let you go! You've kept me company for years but it's time for me to sleep alone and rest in the arms of my heavenly father without worrying and stressing about the relationship with my earthly father. You've done me good, but now it's time to GROW UP!

For the last time, goodnight Barnsie!

The "Small" Things

Since Christmas I have been getting a “good morning” text from an old friend of mine. This morning was not just the regular Good morning, Corn Bread (their nickname for me). This morning he asked me, “What are your New Year’s resolutions?” I responded and then he gave me his in this order, “to become financially successful and responsible, to be happy and to get closer to God”. Now reflecting on my scripture for today, Matthew 6:33, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need”, I thought ok here is my opportunity. My response to him, “The others will happen as you make the last thing on your list the first. Matthew 6:33 says to seek the kingdom of God FIRST”. His response was the kicker for me, “I am trynna do the small things first so it doesn’t seem like I am struggling to change”. HUH?

Over some time I have noticed that some people who are “trying to get closer to God” seem a little backwards. Like, I am going to stop cursing, stop drinking and fornicating and THEN start going back to church and getting into my word. BACKWARDS!!!! How can you stop doing those things without help from God? That is impossible cuz! It makes me think about Jesus speaking to the rich young man in Matthew 19. At the end of speaking to his disciples He said “With man this is impossible but with God all things are possible”. In your on strength one cannot conquer things that are separating you from Christ (Sin).

It kills me when people think that they have to get well before they go to the hospital. LOL! If He is a healer (Exodus 15:26), what makes folks think that they have to be well before they come to Him? Duh! Is that not common sense to go to the Doctor when you are sick and the symptoms aren’t going away with the medicine(your own strength) that you are using?

My Remedy:





“Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well”.


He is the way and the truth and the life. No one can come to the Father except through him. You are not gonna make it on your own.


I will tell you like I told my friend, “What you call the ‘small things’ will not bne conquered unitl you seek the BIGGEST THING! You can’t do the small things without the BIG God!



I am done!

It is 405am and I am still awake! It's funny that those are the numbers I see on the clock right now. My brain is like the 405 freeway! No matter what time it is , there is traffic! It's kinna sad!

Welp. I can already tell that 2009 is going to be about learning. In the past 2 days I have learned so much, even about me! Some stuff I love and others I hate!
I gotta make some changes!

I never quite understood or took the time to understand what this saying " when life hands you lemons make lemonade" meant.  A week ago I made a joke about it on my facebook quotes..."when life hands you lemons throw them back" LOL!!!

Too late/early to really get all deep in my revelation but let's just say that I didn't take advantage of my lemons! I should have made the sweetest lemonade ever! Instead, I let the lemons rot!  Yikes! I'm sorry!

Moral of the story: when u get something (lemons) make the most out of it! Enjoy the now!  Don't focus on what comes after you make the cool beverage! Just make the damn lemonade!

One Year Later

Preface:

Sometimes I wish I had an alias or ghostwriter of some sort so the whole world wouldn’t know all of my business! But then what’s the point of going through stuff if you can’t share your testimony in hopes that others won’t have to go through the same stuff, or will have a better understanding of the things they go through?

The Note:
One year ago today J called with some of the most disturbing news. My friend, whom I endearingly called “brudder”, had died! In shock, I sat on the phone waiting to roll over and discover that it had only been of the many horrible dreams I had been having regarding death (my biggest FEAR). Sadly, it was a dream but very really. I realized that this thing called DEATH wasn’t something that I could escape from, although on previous occasions I failed in attempts to do so.

This one was something, like the others, I had to deal with. After that moment of silence on the phone and after I had said out loud , “I definitely am not in the mood to deal with this right now”, I knew that I had to approach this one totally differently. This time I knew I was going to have to press not to be anger at God, I was going to have to press not to dwell on all the whys and why nots. This time I was going to have to accept that no matter how I felt, God was sovereign and still is!

With all the other DEATHS there was one thing that I didn’t find myself dealing with…replacement. After I had gotten over the initial loss I wasn’t constantly thinking, “who is gonna take “they’re place”. But with Jamaal I did! Nope! I didn’t go looking for folks nor did I go through a list of those in already placed in life to replace him and his friendship! In my mind that was impossible! No one could make me laugh the way he did. No one will drive all the way out to the valley to come see lil’ ol me like he did. No one will threaten the dudes I dated like he did. So why even try?

I remember a good friend of mine saying that after she lost someone VERY dear to her that God made ways to fill that void eventually. At first I thought, “what the heck! NO ONE can replace my brudder”. But she wasn’t talking about someone to take his place where I would forget about him. It’s hard to explain, but I understand EXACTLY what she meant! When I wasn’t looking, God moved me into a position where my environment and those in it started to change. Before you knew it I became able to lean on folks just like I did with Jamaal. God had position dependable people in my life. Even when I was reluctant to let others into my personal space of transparency and vulnerability as I did with Jamaal, I found myself slowly allowing others to see the real me.

So no, no one can ever replace him, but looking back after a long year of dealing with it, I can honestly say that the void is being filled and I am so happy that I allowed God to do it through those special people. Was it easy? NO! Still isn’t, ‘cause sometimes I wanna be all to myself, thinking that no one but J and Jamaal understands me. But it’s gotten easier.

Lessons:
When God moves things around in your life, take advantage of it. Even in pain. “All things work together for the good of those that love Christ” Romans 8:28.

Don’t wait till a person’s funeral to give them flowers!