One Year Later

Preface:

Sometimes I wish I had an alias or ghostwriter of some sort so the whole world wouldn’t know all of my business! But then what’s the point of going through stuff if you can’t share your testimony in hopes that others won’t have to go through the same stuff, or will have a better understanding of the things they go through?

The Note:
One year ago today J called with some of the most disturbing news. My friend, whom I endearingly called “brudder”, had died! In shock, I sat on the phone waiting to roll over and discover that it had only been of the many horrible dreams I had been having regarding death (my biggest FEAR). Sadly, it was a dream but very really. I realized that this thing called DEATH wasn’t something that I could escape from, although on previous occasions I failed in attempts to do so.

This one was something, like the others, I had to deal with. After that moment of silence on the phone and after I had said out loud , “I definitely am not in the mood to deal with this right now”, I knew that I had to approach this one totally differently. This time I knew I was going to have to press not to be anger at God, I was going to have to press not to dwell on all the whys and why nots. This time I was going to have to accept that no matter how I felt, God was sovereign and still is!

With all the other DEATHS there was one thing that I didn’t find myself dealing with…replacement. After I had gotten over the initial loss I wasn’t constantly thinking, “who is gonna take “they’re place”. But with Jamaal I did! Nope! I didn’t go looking for folks nor did I go through a list of those in already placed in life to replace him and his friendship! In my mind that was impossible! No one could make me laugh the way he did. No one will drive all the way out to the valley to come see lil’ ol me like he did. No one will threaten the dudes I dated like he did. So why even try?

I remember a good friend of mine saying that after she lost someone VERY dear to her that God made ways to fill that void eventually. At first I thought, “what the heck! NO ONE can replace my brudder”. But she wasn’t talking about someone to take his place where I would forget about him. It’s hard to explain, but I understand EXACTLY what she meant! When I wasn’t looking, God moved me into a position where my environment and those in it started to change. Before you knew it I became able to lean on folks just like I did with Jamaal. God had position dependable people in my life. Even when I was reluctant to let others into my personal space of transparency and vulnerability as I did with Jamaal, I found myself slowly allowing others to see the real me.

So no, no one can ever replace him, but looking back after a long year of dealing with it, I can honestly say that the void is being filled and I am so happy that I allowed God to do it through those special people. Was it easy? NO! Still isn’t, ‘cause sometimes I wanna be all to myself, thinking that no one but J and Jamaal understands me. But it’s gotten easier.

Lessons:
When God moves things around in your life, take advantage of it. Even in pain. “All things work together for the good of those that love Christ” Romans 8:28.

Don’t wait till a person’s funeral to give them flowers!

why are you really "dating" HIM???

"Oh yeah, I got a boo, Jesus".

Something even I have said before, with the notion that I was, at the time, dating Jesus, as in Christ. At that time we (Jesus and I) went on dates to the movies, dinner, Jamba Juice runs and whatever else I invited in to (like He’s not EVERYWHERE LOL). It was great! I really for a chance to get to know the God I serve.
On the contrary, it has been brought to my attention that the whole “dating God” concept has been taken way out of context as of late. While waiting on a tangible boo, females say they are dating God, which to a certain extent is ok (we’ll get into that later). But what happens when the real boo comes along and “sweeps you off your feet”? God gets dumped. BOOOOO!!!!!!! So why not keep it real and say, “I am lonely, I wish I had a man” and “to keep it real, I am longing for a companion”? Instead the concept of “dating Gog” is being used as an attempt to minimize or eliminate loneliness.
Here’s my issue… Why date God when you can marry Him? And why would one think that it’s ok to dump God when the real boo comes along?
Sometimes it’s easier to cover up the real issue(s): loneliness, impatience, frustration and even jealousy (because everyone else is boo’d up but you). So instead of being real with, 1) Yourself and 2) others around you, you mask your loneliness with, “It’s just me and Jesus and I am happy with that” facade. Ha! What is interesting is that you end up fooling no one but yourself.
I have been there! Yeah I have “dated” God. When folks asked me how I was doing or how I had been, “oh me and Jesus, we been kicking it real hard”, would be one of my responses. Just a smilin’. As soon as I got home, all alone, I would cry out all of my frustrations! I was pissed and quite envious that I was “dating” God and she was dating him and he was dating her and everyone looks so happy in their relationships and I was stuck with God.

In actuality I wasn’t dating anyone and no one was dating me. That time alone to date God was supposed to be alone time with Him and really get to know Him better, but the only thing I was doing was COMPLAINING, fussing and fighting. Thank God it only took a month for me to come to my senses and realize that I wasn’t being real with myself, that me “dating” God was a cover up for my desire for a tangible companion. I knew that the longer I lived in that facade the longer I was going to be unhappy. So after I repented (which is key), I began to date God FORREAL! Not to mask my loneliness, but with the right motives, praying for sincere contentment with Him. When my motives changed my level of commitment changed. I stopped dating God and I married Him. HUGE DIFFERNCE!!!! Just think the wedding vows people take…
I,____________ take you_______ to be my wife/husband in plenty and I want (when I have and when I don’t), for better or for worse (during the ups and the downs), through sickness and in health (when you’re well and when you are not), until death do us part (self explanatory).
See the difference? Marriage is a covenant. It is not dating, where you can just say, “um I don’t like the way you did or didn’t do this, let’s breakup”. Huge difference.

My Encouragement:
I urge you to search your heart and your motives for “dating “God. This is not pertaining to those who literally find serenity in going out alone to dinner or to the movies and bring Christ along. But ask yourself, “Why am I really dating God?” I encourage you to get hitched, married, forreal boo’d up with Jesus Christ and not just because you are lonely and are waiting for your earthly companion. Date him for wisdom, peace, joy, love.
Perhaps you have found that tangible boo, do not dump God. I repeat DO NOT DUMP GOD!!!!!! You need him even more now to help you sustain your courtship!
Ok I think I am done.

Side note:
• Ok, so I have NO idea how to relate this to dudes, so feel free to add your input