Goodnight Barnsie!

A few years ago Barnsie was given to me for Christmas, with the 50% off tags still on it. It's now a bear that I have been sleeping with just about every night. He's dirty, matted and probably carryinga crap load of germs but I still sleep with it. It was only recently that I realized that I, a 26 year old, was still sleeping with a teddy bear, holding on more to the person who had given it to me. I held on with the hopes things would be different. That there would be a relationship beyond a 50% off bear. What's funny is I'm almost certain that he doesn't even know how dear I held on to Barnsie with those hopes in my heart. To him it was probably just a discounted bear. Those may be the same sentiments he has, had or haves for our relationship. While on the other hand,I cherrish that bear as I cherrish the relationship.

Well tonight Barnsie is being put to rest. Besides the fact that I am 26 years old and probably too old to sleep with a stuffed animal, but I have just about had it! I'm deciding to no longer hold on to something that has no feelings, no value, no nothing according to the gift giver. There is no relationship there, so what am I holding on to? No clue! But now I am done. Done trying in my own strength to make something come from nothing, done putting all my effort into making peace, done crying at night wondering when will ever speak again. This is no longer my battle. The cliché is used so frequently but tonight I have decided to let go and let God handle it.

I remember Pastor Rob saying in a message once , " you have not completly let go of something if you still have a hand on it". So tonight I an taking my hands off! No more sleeping with Barnsie. No more fighting for something that is non exsistent. Whatever will be, will be. God, it's up to you! I'm giving it all to you. I'm ready to completly let and let you have your way with it.

Barnsie,I'm sorry I gotta let you go! You've kept me company for years but it's time for me to sleep alone and rest in the arms of my heavenly father without worrying and stressing about the relationship with my earthly father. You've done me good, but now it's time to GROW UP!

For the last time, goodnight Barnsie!